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The Future Isn't What It Used To Be



Vyrys Internal News




5.7 Run!


4.29 Fred Johnson's NIF presentation was well received and it is easy to see why. The scale-able fusion model is an example of cooperative research and design that benefits both NIF and Vyrys, as well as civilization in the long run. By the way, if anyone arrived late and could not get seats, the library has a recording of the event.



4.7 Are you curious about the new wall mounts in the restrooms? We have installed insulin needle disposal receptacles for diabetic employees and visitors. We have also installed brand new defibrillators on the third floor.



3.27 Security barricades are being updated after last week's attempted intrusion by terrorists associated with the Gydeshi. Pass-cards will automatically be updated to mesh with the recursive key generator. Access issues should be reported to chief engineer John Dee Carmack in Security.



3.26 Members of the Team B Vyrys archaeological expedition in the Negev Desert, led by Dr. Herald Kydak, happened upon an unusually large quantity of fossilized amber fragments and shards. It is believed that the trees that originally produced the amber were probably exposed, thus leaving no petrified remains, while the natural consistency of the amber allowed for preservation and finally fossilization. Such foliage has not existed in this area for thousands of years, and carbon dating of the amber is expected to provide a more precise chronological identity.



3.17 Congratulations are in order to Rose Kennedy (Human Resources) for being awarded Employee of the Month. Thank you for your hard work, Rose, and keep up the great work! Congratulations are also due to Eric Chamberlain, who designed the wining entry for our Workplace Safety campaign. Great job, Eric!



3/14 Maintenance reports a confined electrical outage on the third floor. This could possibly explain the energy surge in Lab 7 yesterday, although we do not know what caused the outage itself. Lab 7 will appropriate from Group 6 until the problem is alleviated, which should be by the end of 3/9 at the latest.



2.29 Chairman Scott Ridley is looking for a new golf caddy for the weekends. This could be a great opportunity for the right person. Contact his assistant Larry Engel for further information.



2.22 Cat appreciation month begins on March 2nd. Donations can be given to Cindy Williams in receiving. Any photos of tortoiseshell cats should be kept at home.



2.20 The Vyrys legal team led by Nathan Hunt and Cheryl Monroe has successfully won a dismissal in the copyright infringement case initiated by industrial rockers Fat Kitten. While the prosecution alleged that the successful use of the music during enhanced interrogation sessions establishes illegal use, the judge ruled that because the material was not used as entertainment, and that it is unlikely that the music was enjoyed, that the case would be dismissed on the grounds that the enhanced interrogation was not a cause for any loss of compensation.



2.2 Welcome back! Fred Johnson of the National Ignition Facility will be giving a presentation in the auditorium on the 12th of April. Seating is limited so be there early.



12.7 Eric Chamberlain’s new design for the company logo has been approved. T-shirts, coffee mugs, water bottles (don’t forget, water lubricates the body!) and underwear with the new design will be available via the online store next month.



11.24 For those who did not receive the memo, next week will feature Freaky Friday casual day. Rubber containment gloves are still required for L9 lab technicians.



11.11 We will now be welcoming new recruits for orientation on Tuesday instead of Monday. If you see anyone who looks lost, please offer a friendly helping hand. Please also make sure they stay off the third floor.



10.17 Archaeological Team F has made an interesting find at the excavation site near Laguna Perdida. One of the glyphs featuring a spiral with radiating energy appears to be nearly identical to one found by Team B.



10.4 Saturday is bring your kids to work day. Remember, this is only for employees who have clearance below E9. If you have a higher clearance then you already know that others are not allowed on the third floor.


19.23 The perimeter of the Subject Disposal Zone was briefly compromised at the beginning of the month. Accidents happen so it's crucial to remember that FERALs are not operating on the same wavelength, so to speak, as we are.



9.11 Rock band U2 have unexpectedly released another album that has been automatically added to the accounts of anyone with iTunes. Please make certain that your devices have not been contaminated. Remember, it is illegal to use work devices for personal entertainment or pleasure.



8.28 As per instructions of the recent congressional hearings on the FOI order, we have released redacted data from the Speciation and Artifacture division. A reminder to all Group 2 personnel: you must still get company permission before sharing any information, as this dissemination is limited to the leadership of the Senate Armed Service Committee.



8.27Jason Reyes is still missing after the teleportation accident. If anyone has information about Jason’s personal items, such as where he kept his phone or made notes, it might help us determine his projection settings and inform us of his whereabouts. Remember, it is never safe to have an active teleportation gun near a mirror or other reflective surface. Note: the fur of tortoiseshell cats is considered to be a reflective surface. Please also remember that batteries that are nearly drained may cause unexpected surges and/or discharges.



8.22 Congratulations to Bob Donovan and Burl Okuhara for their success during the surprise post-civilization functionality drill last week. They both performed their duties under duress, each sustaining only mild abrasions and one slight burn. Thanks for showing us the value of team spirit!



8.21 The cafeteria is now serving lunch until 2:00 PM each afternoon.



7.17 Red aerosol-based paints are no longer permitted in the Subject Disposal Zone due to interference with ultraviolet lenses. Krylon product #3847 Mauve and Krylon product #06857 Burning Sky are tolerated replacements. Please note that all florescent colors other than blue wreak havoc on sensors.



7.16 Emergency generators are scheduled to be tested next week. Do not break your research or production schedules if at all possible.



7.12 Chitinous formations have been found beyond the boundaries of the SDZ. Please report any sightings or similar anomalies to Maintenance.



6.29 The Tubular Pneumatic Mail system is now only for maps and other cartographic documentation. Artifacts and specimens must be delivered by hand using the appropriate containment vessels as indicated in the Vyrys Employee Manual V.7.7 pp. 879-881 and  pp. 1,488-1,502.



6.23 Caffeinated coffee is once again allowed on the third floor. Paper cups are available in the break rooms at the far ends of each floor.



6.8 The library now features all issues of Porsche Panorama magazine from July 1967-August 1988. Offensive material has been redacted.



5.28 Sound-absorbent carpeting is being installed in various parts of the office along with requested standing desks. Maintenance will also be adjusting ceiling lights to accommodate the new configurations.